Hadn't Figured it Out
by catesby522
Summary: Spock called it 'unresolved romantic tension'. Modern day AU.


Leonard knew he was in trouble when Jim bounded through their door and said (with a ridiculous grin), "Bones, we're going to the theater."

Leonard just stared at him blankly.

"Didn't you hear me?" Jim asked. He put his hands to his mouth, but before he could bellow out his ridiculous statement again, Leonard sat up and asked, "What the hell do you mean by that?"

"Just what I said." Jim replied with a renewed grin. "We're going to the theater. But not to see a play."

Leonard closed his eyes, and, not for the first time, asked whatever deity actually existed for some kind of patience. "What do you mean, 'we're going to the theater, but not to see a play'?"

"I mean that there's a kick-ass concert orchestra playing at the Academy, and you're coming with me to hear them play."

"I don't see how you can justify dragging me on every mad adventure you decide you're going on." Leonard said with a frown. He leaned back into the reclining position he had been in before Jim came in, fully intending to go back to his medical journal and forget that Jim Kirk even existed.

"Boooneesssss…" Jim whined with an exaggerated pout as he made himself comfortable on Leonard's legs. "You never want to do what I want to do."

"That's because everything that you want to do includes making me feel like a fool."

"How can going to a fancy concert make you feel like a fool?"

"Nobody gets into the Academy without a suit and tie. You know how I feel about suits." Leonard grunted.

"But you look so good in them…"

"Flattery doesn't get you anywhere. You should know that by now. Besides, we both know I'm going no matter what I say."

Jim's smile was bright enough to power several cities. "You're a good man Bones!" He said as he gave a manly (and painful) slap to Leonard's shin.

"When is this concert anyway?"

"Oh. Tonight. In an hour, actually."

"Damnit Jim!"

* * *

Leonard tugged at his collar. He hated suits.

"Come on Bones! Let's go find our seats."

"Calm down you child. The show doesn't start for another fifteen minutes."

"Come on Bones!" Jim said with a laugh. "Live a little!

Leonard sighed, but allowed himself to be dragged down the red-carpeted aisle. They found their assigned seats, and Jim darted his gaze about like a puppy on steroids while Leonard perused the program.

"Jim." He said slowly. "Would the fact that one Nyota Uhura is the concertmaster have anything to do with why we're here?"

Jim looked the other way. "Maybe."

"Jim, when are you going to get over this insane crush of yours?" Leonard said with all the exasperation his southern drawl could muster (so, quite a lot).

"When she finally goes out with me."

"So never. Jim, you are hopeless."

"It's not my fault she's so hot! If she weren't so hot I wouldn't like her as much."

"Jim, do you realize how shallow that sounded?"

"I don't care. She's sexy, she knows it, and she still won't agree to go out with me."

"Maybe she's just not into children."

"Children! Bones, I just realized something! Our babies would be the most attractive people to ever walk the earth!"

"Now you're getting into the realm of the ridiculous." Suddenly, the lights dimmed. "Now calm down and shut up. The show's starting."

Leonard had to admit it was a damn good show. It was a benefit (which explained how Jim had known about it) for the school district's music and theater programs. The program explained that each of the musicians performing were doing it pro bono, and many of them (like Nyota) were teachers. Leonard did his best to ignore the fidgeting young man to his left and enjoy the show.

An hour and a half later found Leonard standing against an ornamented golden wall while Jim smoozed with the big wigs of the city. Leonard sighed as Jim shook another hand and gave another brilliant smile. That kid was too charismatic for his own good.

"Leonard." Came a cultured voice from his left. He looked over to see Nyota Uhura looking beautiful as ever in a sleek black dress that would surely have Jim drooling once he saw her up close.

"Nyota. You were lovely this evening." Leonard greeted her, adding a polite peck on the cheek.

"Why thank you. I would ask what a grumpy pediatrician is doing at such a fancy event, but you have to be blind to not see our resident do-gooder over there. Does he drag you to everything?"

"Just about." Leonard grunted. He and Nyota watched as the mayor, one incredibly respectable Christopher Pike gave Jim a hearty handshake and a manly slap on the back. Leonard was pretty sure the man used the word 'son' at least twice.

"That damn brat financed this whole thing." Nyota said in an undertone. "The Academy wouldn't let us have the space for free, and so that stupid man paid the thousand-dollar bill himself."

"A thousand? You're kidding. How the hell does he spend that kind of money without me knowing?"

"Well, the thousand's for the whole week, but yeah. Each day's a different concert, and Kirk managed to get Spock of all people to accompany each one."

"You're kidding! Spock? I saw his name in the program, but I thought it was a favor to you."

"Kirk has to have either threatened or bribed him, but either way, Spock's giving more performances in this one week than he has in the past two years."

"Well, it's never been like Spock to seek the spotlight, no matter how much other people enjoy his playing."

"Doctor, that almost sounds like a compliment."

"Yeah, well stick it in your ear. And you really shouldn't sneak up on people like that."

"I apologize." Spock turned his steady (unnerving) gaze to Nyota. "You did exceptionally well this evening, Nyota. I do believe your 'panic attack' was unneeded."

"Spock, if you had any emotions you would understand, but you don't so leave Nyota alone." Leonard said in (what only few could tell was) a teasing tone.

"Indeed. Perhaps you could explain to me the further necessity of 'emotions' over dinner."

"Spock…" Nyota said with a teasing smile. "Are you asking Leonard out?"

"Who's asking who out?" Jim asked as he nosed his way into their circle.

"Spock just asked Leonard out." Nyota said with a grin as Leonard rolled his eyes and Spock looked away uncomfortably.

Jim's easy grin turned a little manic. He gave Spock a hearty slap on the shoulder. "I give you my full permission! Take good care of him. He's a little gruff, but he gets wild in the sack."

"How would you know?" Nyota asked, scandalized.

"I live with the guy! No one can make those kinds of noises if they aren't getting a little wild!"

"What about you Jim? That blonde last week nearly had the neighbors calling the cops!"

Jim darted a glance at Nyota, and in a stage whisper said, "That's good Bones! Let's make her jealous!"

"Keep dreaming Kirk."

"I do." He said with a leer. "Quite frequently."

Nyota's exclamation of disgust was interrupted by the Mayor Pike striding over with a reporter in tow.

"Now here's the perfect picture. The city's main benefactor, with our two most brilliant teachers, and the stars of the concert. Oh, and Dr. Leonard McCoy! It's nice to see you out and about for once."

Glancing from Pike, to Jim, to Nyota, and then to the reporter, Leonard resisted the urge to curse a blue streak, and instead said, "Well, when Jim told me what was going on I just had to join in the fun. The music and theater programs have suffered so badly since the economy's downturn, and I'd hate to see any kid go through without the same opportunities I had." Out of the corner of his eye, Leonard saw the reporter eagerly copying down his response, and looking toward Nyota and Jim, he saw the warm approval in both of their faces.

"Archer," Pike said with a smile, "Why don't you get a shot of me with these young folks, and try to make it look like I belong, alright?"

"Sir," Leonard said with a smile "That implies that you look any older than I do."

"You do yourself an injustice Doctor! Why, you still look the same as you did when you were attending Starfleet High!"

They all ignored Archer as he took various shots of the five of them.

"With all due respect sir, I sure hope that isn't true."

"Oh my gosh yes! Remember your junior year? Oh! The acne!"

"Yes, thank you for that reminder, Jim." Leonard growled.

"Don't pay any attention to that child, Leonard. Most of the girls still had crushes on you."

"Does that include you?" Leonard asked with a smile.

"Well," She responded with an exaggerated turn of the head.

"I'm done." Archer suddenly interjected.

"Well, guess that means I don't have any reason to intrude on you young folk then. Have a nice evening. And Kirk! I expect you in my office at ten A.M. exactly! I want to hear more about your idea for the riverfront!"

"Yes sir Mr. Mayor sir." Jim responded with his usual grin. Pike walked away, and conversation between the four of them floated between almost-small-talk and outright teasing while the lobby gradually emptied. At ten-oh-seven, Leonard suddenly noticed how late it was, and Jim suddenly noticed that he had left his coat on his seat.

"I'll be right back Bones. I know you need to get your beauty sleep, but don't leave without me."

"Whatever." Leonard grumbled.

"I should probably be leaving myself. It is a school night after all." Nyota said with a smile as she left Leonard and Spock on their own.

"You never answered my question, Leonard."

"What question?"

"Will you accompany me to dinner?"

"Jeeze Spock… we already tried it once. Do you really want to beat a dead horse like that?"

"Abusing deceased animals is not quite what I had in mind. I assure you, there is a specific matter I wish to discuss with you, and a nice dinner would serve my purpose quite nicely."

"Spock, you're not making any sense."

"What I'm saying will, in time, if you take me up on my offer."

Leonard raised his eyes to the ceiling. Dealing with Spock could be as bad as dealing with Jim sometimes.

"Fine. I'll go to dinner with you. When and where?"

"Unfortunately I am preoccupied all this week, but perhaps Monday?"

"Fine."

"I am aware of your distaste for the more refined eateries, so perhaps we could enjoy a quiet meal at Scotty's?"

Leonard gave a grin. "Things are never quiet at Scotty's. But alright. Next week. Scotty's. Six good for you?"

"That time would be agreeable."

Jim chose that moment to rush back to them.

"Okay Bones, I'm ready."

"It's about time."

"Don't be like that Bones! You don't have any appointments until the afternoon anyway."

"How the hell do you know that?"

"Gaila loves me."

"I need to fire her. Why did I think she would make a good secretary in the first place?"

"The boobs. The boobs consume you."

"Shut up Jim."

* * *

"So what's this about, Spock?" Leonard asked as soon as the obligatory food ordering and small talk was done.

"You are impatient as ever Leonard. Perhaps I wanted to 'dance around the issue' before I divulged?"

"Don't be a smart ass Spock. What's this about?"

"In simple terms, Jim has finally wised up."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, he has finally realized what has been in front of him and fallen in love with you."

If Leonard had taken a sip of his water, he would have spat it out. As it was, he blinked at Spock dumbly.

"… The hell Spock? What in blue blazes are you on about?"

"Leonard, I like to think that I know you relatively well. Despite the years we spent estranged due to your medical education and failed marriage, we are friends, are we not? As your friend I have watched as you alternately pined for and rejected Jim. It is my belief that your devotion to Jim is one of the causes of your divorce, but that is neither here nor there. The fact remains however, that you have been in love with Jim for the past eighteen years."

Leonard was unable to curse Spock out like he wanted due to Scotty himself bringing their meal.

"There ye are lads. Spock! Great show you put on last Friday! Wasn't there meself, but Hikaru and Pavel were all aflutter over it."

"Your relationship is doing well, then?" Spock politely inquired.

"Aye lad. Don't know how I keep up with those two, but I suppose that's why there's three of us."

"You tell that wiz kid of yours to come see me sometime this week." Leonard put in. "I know for a fact he hasn't seen a doctor in three years. I'm friends with the campus doctor, and apart from the record sent over from his motherland, there's no info on the kid."

"Doctor! I thought you specialized in children only!"

"Yeah, well your young lover is close enough."

"Aye lad. But we love him still the same."

"Not that Sulu's any better. Honestly Scotty, what is it with you and younger men?"

"I follow me heart."

"You follow your cock, more like." Sulu piped in as he came up behind Scotty. "Alright there Spock? Doctor?"

"I am quite well."

"I'm with the damn hobgoblin. What do you think?"

"I think you like him." Hikaru said with a grin. "A bromance like yours wouldn't last without some affection."

"If theirs is a bromance," Scotty began. "What does the good doctor have with Kirk?"

"Something else entirely." Sulu responded with a smirk. "Now come on Scotty. Leave these two to their date. Pavel's class gets out soon."

"Aye. Have a good evening lads!" Scotty called as Sulu dragged him away.

"The 'something else entirely' that Mr. Sulu mentioned is just what I'm referring to." Spock said before Leonard could get a word in edgewise. "And clearly I'm not the only to notice it."

"Let's pretend I go along with your theory. I've been madly in love with Jim since I was… by your count, sixteen. If that's true, why haven't I done anything about it?"

"Several reasons. By twelve, Jim was already living with you and your parents. Your parents undoubtedly would have said things such as 'look after him', so you naturally slotted yourself into the role of big brother. Two years later when you become aware of yourself, and Jim, these imposed feelings are ingrained to the point where acting on them seems fundamentally wrong, so you focus on other matters. Getting into med school, the school choir, and the onset of invasive acne, for example."

"Why does everybody keep mentioning that?" Leonard grumbled.

Spock went on. "At eighteen, you find yourself truly separated from your brother, best friend, and unacknowledged crush for the first time, and things get rather… shall we say, hazy. You are determined to focus on your classes, but find yourself distracted by a young woman with an unusual resemblance to your beloved. You date, you propose, you get married, all without truly realizing that Jocelyn can never be a proper substitute for Jim because she possesses none of Jim's inherent goodness. You eventually divorce, citing your hectic internship as the cause. By the time you return to your home, where your heart is, Jim has become more breathtaking than ever, and to compensate for the fact you feel unworthy of him, you repress your feelings once more. Things are fine for a time, and then he moves in with you. You're forced to acknowledge him daily, and more and more you're finding yourself wondering, 'what if?' You don't do anything about it however, because surely, if something were to happen, it would have happened already."

"The point of that ridiculous monologue?" Leonard asked, not at all amused, and hoping desperately that Spock hadn't noticed how close to the mark he was.

"To put a parallel narrative in perspective. You are eleven years old, ignored by your mother, abandoned by your brother, and abused by your stepfather. You run away, but not too far away, because you've made a friend at school, and you don't want to loose him. That boy finds out what your home life is like. He does something about it. Miraculously you end up living in a loving home with loving surrogate parents and a best friend who would go to the ends of the earth for you. Everything is rose-scented until your best friend goes off to college. You knew it was coming, but starting a school year without him by your side is shocking. You go through your junior year of high school without any purpose, looking eagerly toward the summer. He comes home, but he has a girl with him, who takes up all his time. You laugh it off, but you're hurt. It's not just the two of you anymore. You both go back to school, and a single class changes your life. Creative writing. Suddenly, you have an outlet for the feelings that have been plaguing you. You write dozens of poems, stories, and even essays to express yourself. What you turn in for homework makes your teacher reel in shock for how astounding your work is. With her encouragement, you find an agent, and manage to get one of your short stories published. The critics adore it, and suddenly you're one of the most famous authors in the nation. Does it matter to you? No. The one person you want to share this with is wrapped up in getting married."

Leonard was distinctly uncomfortably at this point.

"You stand as his best man at the wedding, certain even at that point that the marriage is doomed to fail, but willing to stand by your best friend. You keep in contact, but the separation is staggering, and the more estranged you feel, the more you write, and the more you write, the more successful you are. The more successful you are, the more empty you feel, until it's a never-ending rotation of pain that you'll never escape.

One day he calls you, and says in a broken voice that he's getting divorced. You immediately fly out to be with him, feeling like a villain for the gladness in your heart. When everything is over, he returns to you, but the divorce has left him cold. In an effort to reclaim some of the warmth from your youth, you insist on moving in with him. Before long you start to notice things you've always known, but never paid attention to before. Before you realize it, you're in love with the man you've known forever, but don't know what to do about it. So you don't do anything about it."

"And why are _you_ doing something about it? Some people might say it's none of your business."

"Leonard, few people realize this, but Jim has made a bigger difference in my life than anyone else has. I would not have performed this past week without his urging. I doubt I would perform at all if not for the encouragement Jim offered when we were in high school. I have always been compared to my father, and before 'Enterprise', I was convinced keeping piano playing as a mere hobby was the safest route for me."

"Oh gods. I had forgotten that ridiculous garage band."

"We were quite foolish at the time, but I think Jim's simple request, 'play what you're thinking', will stay with me for quite some time. But you are avoiding the point, Leonard. You and Jim are equally enamored with each other, and Jim will not act on it, so you must."

"And if I don't?" Leonard asked, staring down at his pasta.

"You and Jim will continue to be lock in a dance of unresolved romantic tension."

"I thought the phrase was 'unresolved sexual tension'."

"Romantic sounds less unwholesome."

"Whatever you say Spock."

* * *

Leonard had a lot to think about that night. Jim was off at yet another charity event, and Leonard went to bed, only to toss and turn with too much on his mind to get any decent sleep. He must have gotten some at some point, 'cause he never heard Jim come home.

The next morning found him staring glumly at his mug of coffee when Jim came shuffling in in his usual sleep attire: pajama bottoms with no shirt.

"You look like hell Bones."

"Thanks, Jim. You're a bouquet of roses yourself."

"How'd your date with Spock go? You two getting back together?"

"No… that was over before it even began. According to Sulu we have a 'bromance'."

"Never thought about it that way, but it makes sense. Talk about anything good?"

"Not really. Spock monologued at me. I attempted to eat Scotty's cooking without wondering why there was a funny aftertaste."

"He tell you that I'm in love with you?" Leonard looked up at Jim sharply.

"Are you?" He asked.

"Maybe. It's hard to tell sometimes, you know? We've been so close for so long… I have to tell you, we're the only people I know that are in active contact with friends from High School. Most people loose touch, either during or after college. 'BFF' is a lie in most cases, but you and I, and Spock, and Uhura… we've stuck together. 'Enterprise' forever I guess."

"Christ Jim, we were only a band for a month! Why do you cling on to that one bit of our entire illustrious career as friends?"

"Because that was the month that I realized I couldn't live without you Bones. That was the month you started talking about becoming a doctor."

"You did damn fine without me. Published author, citywide hero, champion of children and kittens… You've been brilliant Jim, with and without me."

"What's the point of being brilliant without you around Bones? I think that's the point of Spock's stupid speech that really got to me… he's right… none of the successes matter without you around."

Leonard stared at his hands. "So what? What's the real point to Spock telling us both that we're in love? We try having something deeper. What then? It falls apart because I'm a callous bastard? You decide that women are better again?"

"What about you Bones? You've already been married to a woman once. Do you really think you can handle committing to a man? Do I have enough other qualities to compensate for a lack of boobs?"

Leonard looked up at Jim, something wholly indefinable in his eyes. "You don't ever have to compensate for anything Jim." There was a strained moment of silence.

"Damnit Bones!" Jim exclaimed as he crossed the five feet it took to press their lips together. Leonard closed his eyes, overwhelmed. He didn't want to admit it, but more than once he had thought about kissing Jim. None of his thoughts, none of his secret fantasies, could match up the real thing.

"Can we try being us? Please?" Jim whispered, pressing their foreheads together. "I know we can be great, I just know it."

Leonard brought his hands up to cup the back of Jim's head, pulling him into another kiss. "Yes, you damn fool." He said, breaking it. "And we've always been us. We just hadn't figured that out yet."


End file.
